Get out, get out, get OUT!

It doesn’t work. I have never been able to accept being helpless in steering the course of my dreams, but so often I am. They do as they like and I end up waking up angry and frustrated.

I hate mornings almost as much as I love my morning cappuccino: waking up feeling crappy and remembering.

I envy those people that never remember what they dreamt because I feel that whenever I do it’s a nightmare. It’s not monsters that populate my nights, it’s real people, people I know… and people are exhausting.

People don’t listen even when you yell at them.

People don’t care it’s your dream and they should do what you want.

People mostly do what you tell them not to do.

People love and hate, go and stay, talk or shut up and it’s all out of your control.

What frustrates me even more is that I’m no better with people in real life than in dreams. I admire human beings and I enthusiastically observe them almost as if I wasn’t one of them, but when it comes to making contact and building relationships I crumble.

They either slip through my fingers like cold water or stick to my skin like leeches.

I either shut them out completely or willingly give them all I have.

Stay with me.

Leave me alone.

All or nothing, I know no middle way.

Rotten or dry, my relationships are always distorted.



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